disengaged

do you have days when you feel so disengaged? like you're not attuned to your self, your own spirit, your own mind. like you're somewhere else yet you feel you're here. like you are not so together in work and at home. like you're hungry for something yet you don't know what it is. like you're tired of everything yet you want to do a million things. something like that. that's how i'm feeling right now, and i don't know why, i just feel it. does everything have to have an explanation? it's part of being disengaged - to be partially in the dark as you see some details illuminated by light coming from somewhere you don't know exactly where. am i making sense here? but that's also part of being disengaged, feeling a bit nonsensical, yet somewhere in the lattice of your mindframe things are clear -- they just don't have alphanumeric equivalents.

haay. or am i just hungry? too much exposure to the computer? not relaxing well lately? not getting anough sleep during the week and oversleeping during the weekends? not eating right? too much coffee, not enough water? not enough zuma deluxe playtime (darn free demos!)? maybe everything and all of the above.

argh.

so what is this? maybe my chakras have melted because of the damn heat here in april philippines. WOW! sabi nga ng tourism dept, wow talaga sa init! fuck! caucasians come here and spend your dollars visiting our beaches and ogling at our exotic asian offerings while you get your skin ugly freckled blotchy red with heat! tama yan! aah! clogged and energy channels ko kaya walang positive energy flow. not to mention medyo crazy ang balance ng aircon room tapos lalabas ka sa init part ng office then back sa aircon room. well, i shouldn't complain, my colleagues at the mezzanine area don't have the luxury of airconditioning, so i better be happy my butt is comfy cold as i work. peace, oed dudettes! :P

waaah or maybe haven't recovered from my recent hard drive loss, this time not the computer but my cellphone. as in, the near 500 entries there got wiped out. madali namang i-reconstruct most of them, but i'm grieving over the ones that are not so easy to retrieve, siguro near a hundred din, mga contacts made within the last 4 years. ngyak! the others i'm happy to lose as in happy talaga (perfect excuse!) heheh but oh well you win some you lose some, and then you grieve some, and then you live. tama pa rin si lola alanis, you live you learn talaga dude... wah.

hay. i want my mirinda strawberry slurpee. maintenant! at basa pa buhok ko. geez.
it's hot yet i'm wearing black. that's because i don't like wearing bras. and black hides the big stuff in front of me hehe. hay naku, to be a woman in this sweltering heat, and i'm due for the next period pa! wah. more heat! more sweltering! more liquids! what's this human body made of ba? i wish it were made of gulaman, or some life-form easier to manage. why do we have to ooze different kinds of liquid stuff kaya? of course i know the answer but hell, i'm just being rhetorical here. la lang... mainit eh.