live on air!

merrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrde!!!!!!!!!!! i don't think i can work right now so i'll just write an entry here first and let it all out.

had my first ever radio interview live on air earlier. was a guest in tina monzon palma's radio show at dzmm which of course is in the abscbn compound, which we really love to hate sometimes. but that's another blog entry altogether.

well anyway, the topic is about women and children's representation in media. i don't know how they heard of isis but in a way, i'm glad they did. mavic was supposed to be there with me but it's her daughter's graduation so of course no parent will miss that gig. so i was left all alone there, and indeed i was alone, as i found out i am the only guest for one whole freaking hour to talk about sexist ads, among other things. see, we at isis kasi created a protest letter-writing campaign about the napoleon quince brandy ad which reeks of sexist disgust talaga. read all about it at http://www.isiswomen.org/campaigns/alert/alert-4-Mar-2004.html. well anyway, basta, maybe it\'s because of that kaya kami nakontak ng taga-mm. akala ko naman isa lang ako sa mga guests, like maybe from different orgs and such, but no! ako lang pala ang sole! as in seule! guest! merde!

well anyway, i felt naman that i did an okay job, but you know how i am such a big critic of myself sometimes. i hope i made some sense there. i called up m to talk about it to her but she was kinda busy so i called up my mom who was able to catch the show pala. and that's how to cure insecurities sometimes, you know, call up your parents, and they were kinda beaming and proud and all. sabi pa daw ni papa na kaya pala bilib sa kin si ms. boots anson sa premiere dati heheh. well, i guess i really needed that boost in confidence, because as i said, i felt queasy inside after that conversation sa radyo. ewan. wala lang, i guess sometimes the inner introvert still comes out every so often. bad thing it had to come out now! shyet. merde. mierda.

why did i feel queasy? aside from the gulpe de gulat na ako lang pala ang guest for one freaking hour, man, yung mga tanungan namin kasi parang weird. or at least i found them weird. masyado kasi akong conscious sa fact na i am speaking there in behalf of isis, and i find that kinda hard to do pala. i mean, i'm used to being interviewed on print and even on tv pa nga, with my cutie fez in fron of da cam pa and all heheh, but the thing is, iba pala talaga if you\'re speaking on behalf of yourself kesa sa speaking in behalf of an organization. and with isis pa, medyo added pressure pala talaga yun, kasi of course even if i know the org already, sometimes it's quite hard to project and say yeah, this is what the org does or this is what the org thinks about this and that. i think i was very conscious of that talaga, at the risk of sounding repetitive here, pero wala, i'm letting it out nga eh di ba? so bear with me. hwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

well on the good side of this, i was able to meet my friend there who gives me our regular fix of THE L WORD. and i'm quite excited to watch this episode, because this is where the intrigue begins for the long-term couple!!!! shyet. oh well.

oh well. nuff about this. i guess i'm okay na. like i said in my ym status message: slurpee is the cure-all for when you feel blotchy! so i guess after downing half of the biggest gulp, i'm okay na. haaaaay...wot a day. and it's not even finished yet! wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

that certifies one thing: stardom ain't for me talaga hahahahaha so it was a nice decision to stay behind the scenes hehehehheheheee. what am i talking about? abangan sa susunod na mga blogs (kung maalala kong ikuwento. or remind me! at dahondahon@hotmail.com)

space and everything in it

quote of the week: "type ko talaga yung bahay niyo. it's so lesbian." - yari, 28marsun


that gave us something to think about the whole night last night. yari's quote provoked our minds and so we ended up racking our brains as to why our house appeared so lesbian to her. i mean, the quote is cute and all, but it also makes you think... which is actually cool, you know?

so what gives a space its gender or sexuality? is it the furniture? is it the paint job? is it the tile work? we're not so sure. but we welcome the comment. we figured maybe it's because we decorate the house the way we want to, and put in furniture that we feel like putting. whether it be nice hand me downs from family, cool shabby chic finds, or brand new mall-bought stuff, we put it in there if we feel like it. of course we estimate the design and aesthetics of it all, lest we wanna appear as a grand showroom of some store. you know that? kinda like von rommel's house, straight out of an ikea catalogue. as in. you should see it to believe it. when we watched THE FIGHT CLUB and saw edward norton's character's house, hahaha we both said "hmmm we know a guy just like that!" ikea boylets. :P

but i digress. so what gives a space its impressed orientation? like how a car can have a personality, like a muscle car seems stupid to jenny in THE L WORD but sexy for marina. eh? i dunno. it looked like the talyer is calling it or something. well anyway, i just remembered my cousin jane's quip when we were in hongkong years ago. i asked her to take a shot of me on the foreground and the ocean park ride thing i rode on the background, and she said the shot was so male! i mean, that's the first time i ever heard someone tell me that the shot i'm asking for is so male. what gives?

i think it was roselle who wrote about defining lesbian spaces in a past issue of WOMEN IN ACTION, isis' quarterly magazine. i kinda forgot na what she wrote there, but maybe i have to reread it in order to make sense of all these spaces having gender qualities, and sexual orientation for that matter. i understand what it means to have a place decorated an appear so het, so gay, so square, so boring. but so lesbian? hm, i'm not even sure how to define a space of our own. man, i guess i still need to learn in that department. m said it might be because of the way we aranged the house, or she said maybe what yari meant was the house reeks of people who are independent, live independent of their parents and escape the usual middle class house design clichés and staples, like the big last supper on the dining room, the occasional ming dynasty-looking vase in the living room, and the heavy drapes here and there. hm... i guess if gazes can have a female and male perspective, so does design, gestalt, and space.

so okay, i'm cool with that. :) i'm just glad that our house doesn't appear girly girl het. hehe. :)

QUEER AS FaKe, or i saw the bloody uk version and it's such a twat!

QUEER AS FOLK-UK VERSION
a review of sorts (o sha sige, rants na!)


was actually gonna write about this one sa aking more formal (formal daw, o!) blog sa islandville.blog-city.com but decided against it. because i want a total bitchfest! and i can do that just here. so here goes.

UNA: HINDI SILA GWAPOOOOO!

the stuart dude is the brian dude. at least naman ano, i can see why guys fall head over butt kay brian, eh ang gwapo eh! sa kanya applicable yung sinabi ng justine character na "i just saw the face of god!" eh dito sa qaf-uk? ngek, gusto kong sumigaw ng "ohmygod yan lang ba ang gwapo sa manchester???? you poor bloody lot!" hay. as in, icky kapag stuart's trying to seduce someone, ikcy!!!!
then there's the justine character named nathan. okay, he's cute, pero misled ang angst niya sa buhay, inay. as in, where's the character grounding when you need it??? but oo nga pala, we're talking about the looks. he's got a cute mole, but that's it. and he's such a horrible dancer!!! ick! elbows flying off in every direction! laos na laos sa ating babyqueer justine, superb dancer ang lolo!

vince plays the michael character. unrequited love ang drama ng bading na ito. hay naku. kakaiba. i can't decipher if he's being funny or being sarcastic or being dramatic. like joel schumacher said in the dvd extras "it's so british."

QUIP 1: WE THANK JOEL SCHUMACHER FOR MAKING QAF AMERICANIZED

which led us to love these badinger-zs so much. and their lesbian couple friend. which brings me to another point.

PANGALAWA: THE LESBIANS HERE SUCK

no, not suck what the gay guys suck, ha. we don't even see them nga as a couple eh, as a legit couple. blame the directing, mostly the scriptwriting, because they're not thoroughly fleshed out here. parang nilagay lang sila na 'o, ayan, lagay natin lesbyana para may manood sa ating lesbyana, at para may subplot si stuart na kahit promiscuous bading sya, may anak sya.' as in, whatthefolk???? labo, men. ni hindi ko mga ma-distinguish sometimes yung dalawang lesbians, magkamukha. kakatawa. pero sabagay, when you\'re destined to have only 8 episodes of 35-minuter shows, wala ka talagang mafe-flesh out na character. at situation.

QUIP 2: WE THANK RON COWEN AND DANIEL LIPMAN FOR BEING TRAILBLAZING

hope i got their names right! basta sila yung producers ng qaf-us and they're a couple in real life. i like what they did with what the originator russell davies began. actually it's like he just began with a few character sketches and some plotlines, and the american dudes developed the rest, and the best. so now it's on to its 4th season there while this one didn't even get to finish it's 2nd (after season 2 episode 2, it got the axe).

which gets me to think, hm, iba rin kapag adept sa issues ang huhulma ng kuwento. like ron and daniel, they were the first ones to show AIDS on tv yata or something, basta issue-based rin sila kumana somehow. it's very evident in season 3 where brian gets a homophobic police chief asshole for a client. galeng ng political colors dito sa qaf-us, na talagang absent sa uk. wanna know how the uk version is? if you've seen the us version of season 1, tanggalin mo lahat ng possible issue-based (personal or political or both) ng characters and you get the uk version. like michael's mom being in PFLAG (vince's mom rides a motorcycle). michael feeling the class stuggle ek when he dated a richer guy (dito sa uk parang pinatulan lang ni vince si richer guy because 1. he's australian 2. he rejected stuart because he likes vince - which makes vince soooo egotistical here, grabe). melanie feeling the pressure of being a breadwinner (uk lezzies are tokens, so they don't have much exposure, much less dialogue). brian opening condom wrappers to use a condom when having sex (safe sex was an issue in qaf-uk, when questioned why they don't show or promote it, the producer dismissed it as 'it's already there, we just don't need to show it, it's implied.' ay hello sister laos ka.) and then biggie pala yung underage sex sa uk. biggie kasi they were having a debate to lower the age of consent for gays yata from 16 to 15. dito kasi, nathan is 15 when he was first shagged (hate that term) by 29 year old stuart. same naman sa qaf-us di ba, except that dito sa story arc nila (if ever there was one! one clear one, i should say) parang stuart began nathan's initiation into the gay world of manchester in order to relinquish his throne to the young lad when he and vince finally move to london in the series ending. haay...

PANGATLO: IT SEEMS RACIST AT TIMES

nathan had this best friend na natapos ko nang panoorin ay di ko pa rin alam ang name. he treats her like shit sometimes so i don't know why this girl even cares for this dick. the girl is black like justine's daphne, but daphne is way cooler than this girl. in the series 1 ending, nathan ran away from home and went to london, bringing his best friend with him. second season, wala na si best friend, he ditched her in london and came back to manchester. one dialogue exchange explained this -- "he didn't need her." and stuart was proud of that pa! jeeeezus!

then the arranged marriage subplot was carried on, this time involving an african man who is running out of visa time. tapos ginawa nilang hot-tempered yung dude at nanapak ng immigration officer when miffed. grabe talaga, racist ang dating sa akin dito eh. strange.


hay naku. i guesss i can go on an on and on about this bloody show. okay, so i have to thank them for being the juping off point of qaf-us. but i have to agree with the executive director of that stonewall ngo yata yun sa uk, sabi nya 'you have this chance of making a difference, don't reinforce all prejudices in the book, don't waste this oportunity.' don't worry sister, the qaf-us gang didn't waste that opportunity. they're still out there, representing us all. or at least, most of us. now, we have THE L WORD to thank naman for representing us, heheh. but that's another blog entry.

it's women's day, but are we happy?

march 8. yes, we do indeed celebrate international women's day or IWD as we say it in NGO women's parlance.

still, i have to agree with my ka-birthday diva barbra streisand years ago when she was awarded some special woman's award ek for her work chuchu and she said in her acceptance shpluk "i hope we never get to celebrate women's day as one special day of the year, because i hope we can celebrate women's day everyday, and eradicate the need for a specialization of this" or something to that effect. similar feelings about pride month. i wish it's pride month every month, simply because when that time comes, homophobia had been eradicated and being homosexual is as commonplace as being flirty or horny or being in love. you get the drift. so it should be the same with women's day, that the time will come when women would be treated equally and there will be no need for those gender emancipation thing, hopefully by then we would have eradicated all things negative directed towards women, such as bigotry, prejudice, inequality, violence against women or VAW as we call it, all those things.

but of course, i'm a fictionist and i am writing fiction stuff. i know that it's still a long way to go, an uphill battle that's so uphill they should start calling it upmountain battle, that the peak or end of it is so damn distant that it's hard to see with the naked eye, even with a cool telescope. ewan. maybe i'm just being negative, but i'm also being realistic.

what's wrong with being female? the smartest people on earth i know are females. very sensitive, caring, nurturing, everything. of course there's the occasional friggin' bitch you'd like to smack because she's so evil, but that's really rare. i guess you can peg that in the catchword phrase of the decade -- "diversity." everyone should be represented, everyone should be present, everyone should co-exist with others. so for us women -- and lesbians -- that means letting the bigots, homophobes, bashers, abusers, and the prejudiced exist amongst us.

but is that right? frankly, it's not, for me. but with the risk of being exclusionary (is there such a word?) or exclusivist, i can take that. i've been on this earth for 30 years, and i've been with all these diverse people on earth for that long. and it's getting tiring, mind you, to be surrounded by bigots, to be taunted by homophobes, to be irked by abusers. tiring. so i guess you can't blame women for seeking out the company of their own, exclusively, to the point of being with that company for life, and i guess you can't blame women who seek out the space where she might feel safe, secured, and loved, as in honestly loved, not just loved because it's the heteronorm or because there's the marriage obligation or because they just want to have physical pleasure so they disguise it in emotional jargon like 'i love you' ek. loved, pure loved, for who they are, and not what they represent, or hope to represent by the coupling.

this guy stephen covey said one habit of highly effective people is that one should analyze their reaction to things, not the thing that irked them or something like that. but sometimes, stephen, it's the thing talaga. think about it. these things that irk us are the catalysts for emotional upsurges, swings or rollercoasters. there's a reason why they are catalysts, so naturally, there will be a natural reaction to that catalyst. so if it's bigotry directed towards you or whatever, do you just do the jesus thing and turn the other cheek? heck no! i wanna smack their own cheeks! but i don't want to retaliate with equally repugnant ways, sinking to their level. so all i can do is... educate myself, educate them, help them educate themselves, and help me educate myself more in being tolerant. ayun. so is that non-sequitur or what? keber! basta i am woman, hear me roar, and if you don't hear that, we'll all roar together until you start listening and hey, change your ways. uppity? superior? not really. just very, verrrrry confident, is all.

and happy women's day to all, natural born, male to female, cross-gender-identified, whatever. basta babae, go! like when the LA girls were laughing at this lesbian-identified man in THE L WORD, kit told them to respect the dude if he wants to give up his first class white man's privilege to identify and become a second class citizen like how the rest of us have been treated for centuries, then so be it. the quip's kinda funny, and makes you think rin about gender perspectives. di ba?

ah basta. go girls lang kayo. always. itayo ang bandera!

which L WORD character are you?

you? i don't know. me? i don't know either.

but of course i do, hehe. kidding. well, it's simple. i think i'm a little bit of everyone.

we're so hooked on this new showtime network series called THE L WORD which the cast disclaims (is there such a word?) as 'not the lesbian counterpart of QUEER AS FOLK. and yes, it's not, but yes, it also is.

L WORD is about a group of lesbian friends in los angeles and QUEER AS FOLK is about a group of gay friends in pittsburgh. since women tend to be more inclined towards the drama side of life, and lesbians somehow have PhDs on being authentic melodrama queens, the L WORD show is full of stories with lots and lots of nice subplots, which to me is so cool. as a scriptwriter, i don't like movies or tv shows with characters that are not complex and multi-dimensional. not that i'm saying that QAF is not like that. QAF centers more on a different aspect of being homosexual. and of course, because they\'re men, gay guys basically dance to a different beat somehow. of course the same gender distinctions apply to lesbians and gays ano, because we are still women and they are still men. in short, LWORD is much more of a chillout music type of show while QAF is more on the electronica/techno beat. ganun ang takbo ng mga kuwento, at actually, ganun din ang pacing ng shows. as in. techno and chillout.

but back to the LWORD. who am i? a little of everyone nga. well, except maybe dana, that tennis player who is kinda uptight about being out, but she is so darn gay naman anyway, kaya nakakatawa siya. ganun ba ko? hindi naman, kasi out naman ako, at hindi naman ako uptight, di ba? (objections? email moi!) well, come to think of it, there was this one episode during my premiere productions days when i really denied being lesbian. maybe because the way it was asked was offensive. yun siguro. but after that, oks na ko.

i guess i am like alice, the bisexual writer, except that the comparison is on the writer side, not the bisexual side. because i know i definitely will not go back to men, ngi. no offense guys, but my guy days are over, and that's final. so there.

and so, am i like bette, the character that jennifer 'flashdance' beals plays? A-type personality, strong, kinda ambitious? hm... maybe when i was in premiere, i was kinda like that, but it's just a different ballgame here. you tend to get tired of the corporate run-arounds and ekeks, so i don't think i am like that anymore. persevering, yes, but workaholic? hm, hindi yata ako yon. focused, yes, but not workaholic. that's different.

so am i bette's 7-year partner, tina? the blond girl who looked familiar it turns out she played this butch randy girl in the 1994 film THE INCREDIBLY TRUE ADVENTURES OF TWO GIRLS IN LOVE. hahaha she has grown up! kakaiba. pero no, i don't think i'm like her in most ways. maybe i can relate to being the homey wifey ek thing, because i played that role when i was freelancing last year when we moved to our new apartment. but that's it, i guess.

so that leaves us with marina, the european-bred of the lot. hm, i wish i were like her, speaking fluent french and italian. considering that i learned the basics of those languages years ago, hm, i could still be marina...pero naman, i don't think i am like her. malakas ba ang dating ko? well, yes, as a professor once described me. hmmmm, i wonder why my "arrive" is "strong" for her? heheh. but that's about it with the marina comparisons.

so ako si jenny? fiancée of tim, the guy kapitbahay of bette and tina. jenny falls for marina and they have a clandestine thingie, but i don't know what's gonna happen to them now. ewan. maybe i'm jenny because like her, i'm a fictionist hahaha pero hanggang doon lang po at maraming salamat, because when i first explored the sapphic side of my sexuality, i did not come running back to men just to weigh things out like jenny's doing. at nagpakasal pa sila ni tim sa vegas! kalokah! ewan.

so ako ba si kit, the character played by pam grier? hahaha oo kasi pareho kaming mahilig sa r&b grooves hehehe. pero seriously, i don't know pa nga if her character is lesbian, but definitely, i can relate to some family angsts going on there...

and that leaves us with shane na lang, which, before, maybe, yeah, kinda, reminds me of me back in, uh, late 1990s, when the world was crazy and my friends were engaging in threesome sex trysts and they kept on inviting me and i always decline (i perform better with a solo audience, i think hihihi) and the lesbian bar scene here was booming because of regular exclusive women dance parties and then there's third dimension and then there's UP Sappho and then nakpil is not yet populated by the makati bourgeoisie and poseurs started haunting remedios circle and the lgbt movement was still wreaking havoc in bohemian malate and pride marches were really something to be proud of, truly, and women singer-songwriters were not sellouts back then and i still can drink 6 shots of tequila and drive home by 4am from malate to qc without a hitch and there were many women who wanted to explore things with other women, promise, and i think i was one of them, syempre, and so i did, and there's the past. but i\'m not the 'i don't do relationships' girl, but i remember saying that to some stalkers hahaha just to ward them off, i think. it worked, by the way. hehe. sama ko.

but that's so '90s. today, iba na ang buhay, iba na ang movement, iba na ang mga batang biyaning, iba na ang kalikasan, at iba na ako. fun pa rin naman, still writing, but not as flimsy and kaladkarin as before, although i have to tell you, i kinda miss that sometimes. but that's okay. sometimes, there are more fun things in life than that. kaya ayun.

hm, maybe that's why i love this show very much. i relate with everyone. yeah, even tim, when he found out about the betrayal. i kinda know how that feels. it sucks. and of course it's no excuse na girl and kinalantari ng jowa niya. betrayal is still betrayal, and kawawa siya... to a certain extent.

oh well. it's so funny lang. i'm starting to spread the word about THE L WORD here at the office. and i hope people like it. heck, they loved QAF nga eh, di ba? hihi. la lang. we'll see...

nice site http://www.thelwordonline.com/. come visit.

and if i don't get to say it pala next week, HAPPY WOMEN\'S DAY ON MARCH 8!!!